Because I am an awkward and uncooperative son-of-a-gun, I have recently passed an opportunity to find out about the “new and exciting” product my bank had on offer and lost a compensation package from an unidentified insurance company who sold me insurance I did not need!

How did I squander these two chances? I refused to give out personal details like my place of birth, my mother’s maiden name, and the 6th character of my password to total strangers.

Note: Just to stop you from wondering, I freely give my personal details at the end of this post.

We all get unsolicited calls from people who withhold their phone numbers and refuse to identify themselves properly but still, they demand we tell them personal and intimate details about ourselves, or else they will disenfranchise us in some way.

On the other hand, to protect our privacy and security, we are constantly urged to change our passwords, make them more and more obscure and less memorable, thus making it almost impossible to remember when we most need them with consequences like not being able to access our membership details, enquire about our orders or manage our own finances. We now have special “apps” to help us store our passwords in one place but here is the kicker: we have to have yet another password, different from all the others, to let us into this very, very secure vault of passwords.

Back to my two missed chances. First time, it was an alleged bank representative wanting to inform me about a new product, and the second time it was one of those ambulance chasing law firms claiming they have information that I was mis-sold (is this a word?) insurance products, potentially qualifying me for compensation.

Someone claiming to be from my bank (did not give her name) called me out of the blue wanting to discuss a “new and exciting” product they were about to launch. However, the woman in question insisted I gave her my personal details such as place of birth, my mother’s maiden name, and bits of my password etc. I refused because I had no way of knowing she was from the bank so, I asked her to give me similar details about her, which shocked her and understandably, she refused to tell me her date of birth and her post code. I compromised:

Me: Okay, let’s do a swap of information

Bank Rep: What do you mean sir?

Me: You give me my date of birth and then I give you my place of birth

Bank Rep: Why?

Me: If we both get our facts right, then you can give me my post code and I give you my mother’s maiden name

Bank Rep: Oh I see

Me: Finally, if you give me the 3rd character of my password, I will give you the sixth

Bank Rep: I am afraid I cannot do that, sir

Me: Why not?

Bank Rep: Your information is strictly confidential and we cannot divulge it to strangers

Me: But I am no stranger, I know this information already

Bank Rep: Sir, you are missing out on an important opportunity to learn about our new and exciting product

Me: I know, it’s a bummer! Goodbye.

Few weeks later, a “no caller id” entity called me and in a careless moment, I pressed the green button on my iPhone and answered when I usually ignore all unknown or undisclosed numbers as a matter of principle.

Caller (John): Hello, Mr Sukkar?

Me: Yes, who is calling?

John: My name is John, I represent a law firm and we have evidence that you have been mis-sold insurance products some time in the past

Me: Oh!

John: Before I proceed with our conversation, I must ask you some security questions

Me: Must you?

John: Before I can help you, I need to make sure you are Mr Sukkar

Me: Firstly, you called me on my personal phone, and secondly, how do I know you represent a law firm without me asking you some security questions of my own?

John: I can assure I am from a law firm

Me: Oh good, I am re-assured and I can assure you back that I am Mr Sukkar. Can you prove to me your name is John?

John: No I can’t sir. But our procedure dictates, for security purposes, that I ask you these routine security questions

Me: My procedure dictates that I don’t believe you, John

John: Well, you stand to miss out on a significant compensation package for being mis-sold insurance sir

Me: But to the best of my knowledge, I haven’t been mis-sold anything. Why don’t you at least tell me who mis-sold me what specific insurance?

John: I have information in front of me which indicate you have and I cannot disclose that before confirming your identity

Me: Well John, you seem to have the advantage on me and you intend to maintain that advantage by getting more personal information about me without telling me what it is I have been mis-sold and who by.

John: I can assure you it is done in the strictest confidence

Me: I think you are mis-selling me your services, bye John.

Now, imagine the following somewhat unrealistic scenario. You are a Mr Smith, sitting at home minding your own business when there is a knock on the door so you get up and open the door:

Knocker: Mr Smith?

You: Yes?

Knocker: Can you confirm you are Mr Smith?

You: Yes, I confirm that I am Mr Smith

Knocker: Can you prove it?

You: To whom and to what level of accuracy?

Knocker: To the level where it ties with the information I have on my clipboard here

You: Can I see your clipboard then?

Knocker: I am afraid you cannot sir; it is strictly confidential

You: But it is information about me, so why can’t I see it?

Knocker: Well, I haven’t established that you are Mr Smith yet

You: Well, you are not going to either; go away before I call the police

If you have ever experienced this kind of encounter, then you are an extremely patient and tolerant person, congratulations! Most people would have punched his lights out by the time he got to his precious clipboard.

We are forever being urged to codify our personal information with ridiculous passwords that cannot be just letters, not even a mix of letters and numbers; we have to have things like “j4Ck*55” or “8u115H!t” for passwords and we must think of different password for every aspect of our lives. Then when we need to access our “stuff” we can never remember this nonsense! However, some junior staffer with zero people skills is given a CRM screen and told to call us asking us to recite personal information about ourselves including those dreaded passwords.

Why do we tolerate this treatment? How did we get here from there? Why doesn’t anyone trust us or give us reason to trust them?

I hope to live long enough to see the day when technology in its various guises, can automatically confirm my identity through face, voice, retina, and finger print recognition so I don’t have to prove I am me. I also hope that no one will be allowed to trespass on our personal space, even through a phone call, and still hide their own identity behind a corporate machine.

Anyway, I was born in Jerusalem, my beloved mother’s maiden name is Zamamiri and the sixth character of my password varies from 4, to t to a, to 0 to W. Now, can someone please tell me what evil insurance company mis-sold me that insurance and how much do I get back?