At the end of an alcohol fueled dinner party, Julia, Oliver, Thelma and Terry are having a pointless chat.
Oliver: How do you dream?
Terry: In my sleep of course, how do you dream?
Oliver: No, I meant do you dream in colour or black and white?
Thelma: I dream in vivid colours all the time
Terry: I dream in black and white and at night
Julia: What if you are asleep during the day?
Terry: No, my dreams are set in nighttime situations
Julia: It depends on the time of year: in summer I dream in colour and in winter, I dream in black and white
Thelma: What about in Spring and Autumn?
Julia: Not sure, it depends on the weather I suppose
Oliver: Is that the weather in your dreams or outside on that day?
Julia: Not sure really, I think it must be the real weather outside, I will have to check
Oliver: I dream in both at the same time. Some scenes are in colour and others are black and white
Terry: Depending on what?
Oliver: Depending on the storyline. I dream dramatic scenes in black and white and romantic ones in colour
Thelma: Do you see yourself in your dreams?
Julia: What, as another person?
Thelma: Yes, like in ‘out of body experience’
Terry: I definitely see myself and all the other people in the dream like I am spying on them from a birds-eye view
Oliver: That explains why your dreams are in black and white and at night, you are a bloody pervert in your dream
Julia: He is a pervert all the time!
Thelma: I don’t see myself from the outside, I just see bits of me like now; I can see my legs and arms but never my back
Oliver: Which is a pity, because it must be nice to see yourself from the outside; you can see things like your own bum and how big it is
Thelma: Are you saying I have a big bum? What a cheek!
Julia: Two cheeks you mean, hahaha!
Oliver: No, I am just saying you can see the bits you don’t normally see!
Terry: Well, although I see myself, because it is black and white and dark, I am not sure how big my bum is
Julia: Why are we suddenly talking about bums?
Terry: Bums are good
Thelma: In what sense are they good?
Terry: In a bummish sense
Julia: You three are bum-obsessed
Oliver: I am just saying that you can see other parts of your body that you don’t normally see
Terry: I see my bum everyday
Thelma: What you have an appointment with it?
Terry: Why would I need an appointment with my bum? It is with me all the time, isn’t yours?
Julia: I don’t believe this, we have descended into bum talk; this is really irritating me
Oliver: It could be a bum rash!
Terry: I meant that everyday after my shower, I look at myself in the mirror and check various parts of me such as my thinning hair or my waistline or my bum by looking backwards in the mirror
Thelma: Yes, but you could never see it like some one else standing behind you looking at your bum; you just see it from an oblique angle
Oliver: Believe me, the only way you can see his entire bum is from an oblique angle!
Terry: Oi, watch it!
Oliver: No thank you
Thelma: I suppose you can see your bum head on if you take a picture of it
Julia: Why in the name of sanity would you want to do that?
Oliver: More to the point, how in the name of sanity would you do that?
Thelma: You can use a camera with a remote button
Terry: too expensive, all you need to do is hold the camera; stand naked with your legs apart; bend over as far as you can; reach around with your arms between your legs as far as you can and snap!
Julia: Christ almighty, can you imagine what kind of a picture you will get? It is simply disgusting!
Oliver: As you said earlier, he is a pervert!
Terry: I didn’t say I did it but come to think of it, I am going to try it tonight
Thelma: Why not just ask someone to take a picture of it for you?
Terry: who?
Julia: In your case, wait for the police to arrest you for being a pervert in one of your dreams and ask them to take a picture of your bum at the police station
Terry: It won’t work
Oliver: Why not?
Terry: For one thing it will come out in black and white and for another, I will lose it when I wake up
Thelma: If you take a picture of your own bum, does this count as a selfie?
Oliver: I think it counts as a bumfie
Terry: Wait a minute; you know the contraption they use in submarines, the periscope? Surely something like this can be used to see one’s bum in the same way as everyone else does
Julia: I am intrigued now; please do explain
Oliver: They also use it in major events where there are huge crowds; enterprising street sellers tend to flog these tubes
Julia: Will you please explain what you mean?
Terry: You get a square tube and fix a mirror at each end facing one another at 45-degree angles. You then insert the said contraption between your legs and hey presto, your bum is staring at you face
Julia: I just cannot think of anything more disgusting or unbecoming!
Thelma: I can, seeing Oliver’s bum for one thing
Oliver: Not true, I have a nice pert bum
Terry: Says who?
Oliver: The women in the office
Julia: The girls in the office came to you and said ‘ Oliver, you have a nice pert bum’, is that right?
Oliver: Not quite
Thelma: How did you ascertain their opinion then?
The girls in the office held a poll on whom amongst the men had the nicest bum and I came second
Terry: Was it a tight second, by any chance?
Julia: That’s it I had enough of this; I am leaving
Oliver: Julia, you know you have a very nice bum
Julia: I know
Thelma: How do you know Julia?
Julia: Because I have seen it many times
Terry: You did?
Julia: Yes
Thelma: How?
Julia: You are all drunk. All you need to do is to hook your camcorder to your TV and the rest is not even worth explaining. Good night all!
Terry, Oliver and Thelma: Bums!
