I always found it funny (weird, to be more precise) that when you leave a job, a neighbourhood or anything you’re affiliated to such as a club, many people come up to say goodbye, good luck and use this over-used phrase: “We must keep in touch”.

I understand the ‘goodbye and good luck’; normal people should wish one another nothing but good fortune.  But, why, oh why, do they feel compelled to say we must keep in touch when it is patently obvious that they have absolutely no intention to keep in touch and you also wish they never, ever do.

It seems to be one of those expressions we use without thinking or considering it to be serious enough for the recipient to even remember.  It’s like saying: “how are you today?” and the moment you finish asking the question, your mind closes shop and stops taking in the answer you might be given.

Early in my career, as a junior consultant, I was posted on client’s site as and when it was deemed necessary.  As a matter of routine, a senior consultant would be in charge of the account and he/she would visit the site as frequently as they feel it necessary to meet the client and make sure they are happy with progress. I was alerted by one of my colleagues that a certain senior consultant (his name was Rex) would visit the site, meet with the client and then come around to see his staff to make sure all is well. According to my colleague, he asked a standard question of: “hello, how is it going?” and then moved on to the next junior person without waiting for a reply because he had already anticipated the answer to be positive so, he would say: “Good, good, good” and on his merry way he went.  

So, I decided to test this rumour at the earliest opportunity and my chance came when I was assigned to a project at a well-known beer brewing company’s headquarters in the City of London.  Rex happened to be the senior consultant in charge and there were about six of us from our firm working on this project.  Rex had his meetings with the client and finally came around to see us.  I was the third in line in terms of desk arrangements.  Sure enough, he spoke to the first colleague, who muttered something before he was duly ignored, and the next colleague was given the same treatment. Rex finally arrived at my desk, and uttered his well-rehearsed line: “hello, how is it going? Good, good, good”. As I knew what my reply to him was going to be, I wasted no-time delivering it between the “hello, how is it going” and the “good, good, good”. My reply to him was: it is going very badly, and I am going to resign soon.  Rex never received or digested my answer, he just pressed on with his walk-about amongst his junior staff and left the building feeling like he had done an excellent job managing the client and his own staff.

I recently left my job on very amicable terms with the company and all staff who were in the building, came to say their final goodbyes. My departure was made public knowledge months before I left so, pretty much anyone in the entire Group who even heard of me, never mind worked closely with me sent emails or came around in person, wished me luck and insisted that we must keep in touch.  The number I am talking about is well over one hundred in various locations and countries.  Without exaggeration, more than 90% of them used the standard line, with perhaps slight variation depending on the local habits and culture.  Of all of them, I wish to keep in touch with no more than 4 or 5 individuals.  The rest, I wish them the best of luck for the future.  It is a safe bet that one or two of this 4 or 5 individuals will soon get bored and drop / reduce contact with me.

I am fine with those who didn’t declare an interest in keeping in touch; at least they were honest about the whole situation. What irritates me are those who declare an interest and then duly get out of my life.

So, why do we use this line?  I imagine there is a certain amount of embarrassment in saying goodbye so, to help manage the situation, we say something positive.  It’s like when someone dies, and we don’t know how to handle the situation, we over-compensate by saying too much to handle the difficult encounter. ‘I am sorry to hear about your father’s passing away, I didn’t know him personally but, I am sure he was a great man!’

It would have been enough to say the first part but the second is totally unnecessary because it cannot be true.

Returning to my original theme of “we must keep in touch”, I wish we have the courage and honesty to say: ‘goodbye, have a nice life, whatever you plan to do.  Whether you succeed or not, I don’t really care either way’ and leave it at that.  Or is that too much Tourette’s?