Walter got home and found Zatar very angry, very hungry and with a lot of things to say about the bad service she has been getting lately. Walter went to his computer to finish off the copyright amendment to his design. Again, his computer was turned on and again, Walter couldn’t think how that might have happened. Walter completed his specification, printed the two pages on his printer and turned both the computer and printer off. He sat down and began to day dream about his new life being married to Riesling. He also allowed himself to imagine having children and taking them to Tredegar Park to play on the slides and swings. In spite of the fact that his latest brainchild was in danger of being stolen by what Riesling called the diabolical Gill Bates, Walter felt the happiest he has ever been in all his 48 years of life.
On Monday 19th November, Walter woke up at 6:00, had a shower, shaved and introduced another collection of nicks and cuts to his face. He got dressed and went downstairs to feed Zatar who was particularly vocal this morning; Zatar bore a grudge like no other cat! He made himself a cup of coffee and went to the lounge to drink it and look at his post from the last three days. Walter noticed the computer was on again! He admonished himself for being absent minded and turned it off. He resolved to think of a new invention to switch things off automatically after being left idle for a period of time.
Walter walked to the Patent Office at 8:05 and went straight to his desk. Apart from him, there was only one other person around, an office cleaner who was busy rummaging in bins and dusting computers, telephones and desk tops. Walter thought it was odd for a cleaner to be in the office in the morning because the office was cleaned in the evenings after working hours. He looked at the woman again and in spite of the large glasses she had on, she seemed strangely familiar to him but he couldn’t think why. He sat down and tried to remember what Riesling said he was supposed to do. “Oh, yes, yes, yes” he thought, “first, I must send a letter to the iBall applicants asking for further information about the copyright gap in their design. Secondly, I must go and change my name on my application and insert the two pages of copyright solution to my iPatch application”.
Walter turned on his computer and looked up the iBall application. He read through it and then checked the various supporting documentation it had. He was amazed by how closely their design resembled his, even the terminology and words used were remarkably similar. There were some 75 pages of supporting documentation which Walter didn’t need to look at closely because he was familiar with the work as though he had written it himself. However, the last two pages of the supporting documentation shook him to the core. The page before last was headed as follows: “Copyright Protection” and the rest of the page, together with the last page described word for word what Walter had written as a solution on his home computer last week and printed last night. Walter took out the two pages he brought with him and checked what was on the computer with what he had written; they were identical!! The blood drained from Walter’s face and his mind went into a spin. He was certain these last two pages were not there last time he looked at the iBall application and could not think how they turned up on his computer because as the application examiner, he would have had to scan them and add them to the application on the computer. He couldn’t think how it was possible for some complete strangers to come up with identical pattern of thought to his. At 8:30 he picked up his phone and called Riesling.
Riesling: 650029, who is speaking please?
Walter: it is me Walter Dearest One
Riesling: oh hello pet, are you at work?
Walter: yes, yes, yes. Bad news, I am afraid Little Bird
Riesling: oh, what is it pet?
Walter: The other application has the copyright amendment already added to it and it is exactly like my solution, word for word
Riesling: NOH! How can it be pet?
Walter: I just don’t know how they could have come up with the same solution as mine. I also don’t know how they managed to add the amendment without me knowing about it
Riesling: okay pet, did you change your name on our own application?
Walter: no, no, no not yet
Riesling: but I said to do that first pet!
Walter: sorry Little Chipolata, I forgot
Riesling: no matter, do it straight away before the supervisor gets in, it is already 8:30. Why don’t you come over tonight to discuss our next move pet?
Walter walked across the office to the other supervisor’s desk to retrieve his application and when he got there, he looked in the supervisor’s In-Tray and began to look for his application. A voice behind him said: “Good morning Walt, can I help you?”. Walter jumped out of his skin, turned around and there behind him stood the other supervisor with his briefcase in hand and a wide grin on his face.
Walter: oh hello, congratulation on the new baby, what was it?
Supervisor: a little girl, 3.5 kilos, a right whopper, eh?
Walter: oh lovely, what name did you give her?
Supervisor: Clementine, or Clemmie for short
Walter: oh lovely! Congratulations again
Supervisor: was there something you wanted Walt?
Walter: no, no, yes. I am short of work so I thought I would come over and see if there are applications I can help with, that’s all
Supervisor: that’s kind of you Walt. I wish my staff were as diligent as you. I have a few cases, why don’t you help yourself while I take my coat off and get a coffee.
Walter: right you are. Thank you very much
Walter picked up his own application and another one at random to make it more reasonable that he was helping out. The other application was submitted by a Mr Clive Goathead for an automated sheep shearing cubicle. He walked back to his desk with his heart beating so loud he thought the few people who had already arrived could hear it. Strangely, the office cleaner was still there and when Walter approached his desk, she picked up an empty plastic bag she had by his desk and left in a hurry. He sat at his desk and wondered what to do next. He couldn’t process his own application because it is against regulations. So, he called Riesling again.
Riesling: 650029, who is speaking please?
Walter: it is me Walter Dearest One.
Riesling: oh hello pet, how is it going?
Walter: I nearly got caught by the supervisor
Riesling: oh no! What did he say?
Walter: He said they had a baby girl and they called her er, Chloe or something like that
Riesling (feeling desperate by now): Walter, I was asking what he said about your rummaging for your application!
Walter: I am afraid I had to lie a bit there. I said I came to help with the workload and he was pleased with me
Riesling: well done pet, so now you have both applications. I suppose you can’t get rid of the Gill Bates application can you?
Walter: it is quite impossible my little Apple Pie. The system won’t allow it
Riesling: I thought as much. And you said you can’t alter the date, right?
Walter: no, no, no absolutely not
Riesling: okay, this is what you do: first, you make the changes we agreed on to our own application and register it on the system, then
Walter: no, no, no can do, I am afraid
Riesling: why so pet?
Walter: because, my Little Sparrow, it is against regulations to process my own application
Riesling (losing temper rapidly): Walter pet, the application will NOT be in your real name, it will be in the names of HEW PARCLATT and REISLING DAMP isn’t it?
Walter: of course! You are a clever Salami Stick
Riesling: the next thing you do, you spend the rest of the day going through the application with a fine tooth comb until you find reasonable ground to reject it
Walter: which application are you talking about?
Riesling: the other application you silly thing!
Walter: oh, oh, oh, right you are. What if I don’t find any grounds for rejection?
Riesling: we think of something else, isn’t it?
Riesling then turned her attention to the two matters she took direct responsibility for, the sale of her house and arranging a quick wedding for her and Walter. She called three estate agents and arranged for them to come round and value the house. She then looked up the telephone number for the local registry office and enquired about getting a marriage licence. She was told she needed birth certificates and proof of addresses for both of them. They said they could issue a licence on the same day but she needed to book a slot for the actual wedding ceremony as soon as possible. She booked a slot at 12:30 for the coming Saturday. She said she would go to the registry office tomorrow with the necessary papers and pay the fees.
By 2:00 p.m., three estate agents arrived at 30 minutes intervals. Baggs, Lowlife & Scumm sent a 15 year old looking boy called Tarquin in an ill-fitting suit; Ducker, Smarmy & Diver sent a young woman called Mais with butterfly earrings and necklace who claimed she was a marketing expert; and a William Conman dressed in tweeds turned up from George Henry. All three of them complimented Riesling on her lovely house and added that, should she be kind enough to instruct them, they would have no trouble securing a quick sale because this type of property was in big demand in Newport at the moment. She thanked them and said she would be in touch soon.
After talking to Riesling, Walter did what she told him and registered their application on the system under HEW PARCLATT and Riesling’s names, making sure the application had the two-page copyright amendment included in the supporting documentation. However, Walter forgot to change his name on the paper application he retrieved from the other supervisor’s in-tray. He then spent the rest of the morning reviewing the iBall application looking for reasons to reject it but without much success. Around 12:00 o’clock, he had a call from Riesling asking him to bring his birth certificate and a utility bill with him when he came to see her in the evening so, he decided to go and look for them during his lunch hour. He walked home at around 12:30 and it took him about 35 minutes to find his birth certificate and an electricity bill. As he was about to leave, he noticed that his computer was switched on yet again! “What the devil is going on? I could have sworn I turned it off this morning” he said out loud. Thinking he was talking to her, Zatar lifted her head from her deep sleep, gave a quick reply to the effect that he shouldn’t ask her and went back to sleep again. Walter turned the computer off and walked back to the Patent Office.
When he entered the building, he passed the office cleaner on her way out carrying a plastic shopping bag and again, he wondered why she looked so familiar to him. He went to his desk and immediately noticed that there were only two applications, the iBall and the sheep shearing cubicle applications but there was no sign of his and Riesling’s application. He searched everywhere for it on his desk, under his desk, in his briefcase, nothing! He walked over to the supervisor and asked if he had taken it back but the jubilant supervisor said he hadn’t and handed Walter a piece of cake in celebration of Clemmie’s birth. Walter thanked him and went back to his desk to repeat his search just in case it suddenly turned up. He decided to go home again and check there in case he absent-mindedly took it with him at lunchtime. He couldn’t find it at home either so, he returned to the office and looked again for the third time. Something told him to look on the computer. For the first time in his career at the Patent Office, Walter was seriously rattled; there was no sign of the iPatch application on the system either. It is a well known fact that the Patent Office System is water tight when it comes to deleting applications, you simply CANNOT do it! You can register the application on the system, you can update it, you can accept it, you can reject it, you can add notes to it saying it needs more information but, you cannot change the entry date or the unique serial number the system gives it and you certainly cannot delete it, NO WAY! Walter checked for the iBall application and sure enough, it was on the system just as he found it this morning together with the last two pages dealing with the copyright issue. Walter ran all kinds of tests on the system and they all came back saying the iPatch application never existed!
At five o’clock, Walter turned off his computer at work, picked up his briefcase and left the office. He went home and headed straight for his computer. This time, it was switched off. He turned it on and just as he suspected, there was no trace of anything related to the iPatch on his computer, it was as though he never thought of the concept at all. He opened his briefcase and checked his notebook; his scribbles and diagrams were all there which helped him think he hadn’t gone completely mad. He turned the computer off, picked up the phone and dialled Riesling’s number, he sounded very depressed.
Riesling: oh dear pet, what can the matter be?
Walter: I think I am going mad, completely mad!
Riesling: what do you mean pet?
Walter: we have lost the iPatch application
Riesling: lost it, how pet?
Walter: the actual paper application is missing from the office and the registration, which I did after talking to you this morning is not on the system either
Riesling: but I thought you said it is impossible to remove some one’s application from the computer!
Walter: exactly, I just don’t know what’s going on Sweetie
Riesling: well, I do. Listen pet, bring your birth certificate and a utility bill and come over to my house straight away
Riesling put the phone down and began to review the facts as she knew them. Some things made sense but others didn’t. She went over to a drawer and brought out two pieces of A4 paper and a biro pen. She sat down on the sofa next to Izha and began to write:
- Gill Bates was good at photography and electronics from a young age. He also studied Electronics and Computer Science at university
- He has been a cheat and a liar from a young age
- He threatened one day he would get back at Walter for telling on him
- Gill Bates is now very rich and resourceful
- He runs his empire from Perth, Australia
- Some one called Geist Ball keeps on stealing Walter’s ideas with other named partners
- Geist Ball is an anagram of Gill Bates
- The iPatch invention suddenly disappeared from the Patent Office and Walter’s personal computers
- Gill Bates / Geist Ball application for the iBall is mysteriously added to with the copyright thing
Suddenly, a light bulb sprang to life over Riesling’s head. She yelled and wrote the tenth point down:
- At the Cheltenham Races, a horse called Eye Patch was beaten by a horse called LAST BILGE, which is yet another anagram of Gill Bates!
On the second piece of paper, Riesling wrote her resignation letter to her manager at M&S. She picked up the phone and rang George Henry Estate Agents and told William Conman that she decided to instruct them.
Riesling got up and went to the kitchen followed by Izha who hoped to get some more food in her bowl; she was not disappointed, Riesling refilled her bowl with Duck and Rabbit cat food. Riesling made herself a cup of coffee and returned to the sofa. She sat down and looked at the 10 points of facts she had listed a few minutes earlier. These facts seem to point at the possibility of a conspiracy but they don’t amount to a water-tight proof that the diabolical Gill Bates is stealing Walter’s ideas. In spite of that, Riesling was instinctively certain that Gill Bates is a crook who is picking on her darling Walter because of a teenage grudge from the past.
To read the next chapter, please click here: Chapter 14
