After breakfast, Riesling and Walter sat down for a chat. Walter was nervous, very depressed and nursing a shocking headache. Riesling on the other hand, had her nostrils flared and her eyes burning with determination. Walter thought she never looked lovelier but didn’t think this was the right time to talk about things like that.
Riesling: right pet, the first thing we must do is to agree on one thing
Walter: I agree
Riesling: but I didn’t tell you what the thing is yet pet!
Walter: no, no, no, I agree that we must agree on things
Riesling (impatiently): the first thing is to accept that we have an enemy
Walter: do we? Who?
Riesling: Gill Bates of course, isn’t it?
Walter: Gill Bates?
Riesling: Walter for goodness sake pet! One of these days, you have to invent a name reminder thing. Gill Bates is the rich man who used to be in your class all those years ago and cheated in his O-Levels and went to Australia, isn’t it?
Walter: Oh, oh, oh, you mean Gill Bates!
Riesling: yes Gill Bates or Geist Ball who, before you ask, is the person who filed an application for your iPatch last Friday, right?
Walter: you really think they are stealing my inventions?
Riesling: no I don’t THINK so, I KNOW so!
Walter: but how?
Riesling: I don’t know yet. He is stealing your inventions and that’s that
Walter: whatever you say eh, pet
Riesling: now that we know who we are fighting against…
Walter: Whom
Riesling: whom what pet?
Walter: now that we know WHOM we are fighting
Riesling (angrily): now that we know who we are fighting against, we can plan how to fight him, isn’t it?
Walter: exactly! So, what’s the plan?
Riesling: you say this man is rich, isn’t it?
Walter: the richest man in the world, some say
Riesling: this means he is also very powerful and well connected
Walter: I suppose so
Riesling: in this case, we need to pull our resources and wits together to stand a chance of defeating this diabolical man
Walter: what do you have in mind eh, pet?
Riesling: I am going to resign my job at M&S, sell my house and move in with you to dedicate all my energies and time to work on our fight back and then make the iPatch a reality
Walter: no, no, no, I am not having you do that
Riesling: do what pet?
Walter: uproot yourself like that for a silly iPatch
Riesling: I am only moving 10 minutes down the road you daft leek!
Walter: no matter. If we are to do this thing well, we have to do it properly. Now, wait here a minute
Walter went looking for his duffle coat; he rummaged for a while until he found what he wanted. He returned to Riesling who was watching Walter with a certain amount of amusement. Walter went over to her, knelt beside her, opened the little black box and read out a name inside the lid then said: “Riesling, I loved you the moment I set my eyes on your bottom, eh, face. Will you please make me the happiest daft leek in the world and marry me?” and then he handed her the little black box. Riesling, who had already seen the ring the night before and had forgotten all about it with the breaking news of the iPatch idea being stolen, smiled and a tear rolled down her cheek. She finally said: “Walter pet, I would love to marry you and make you the happiest daft leek in the world, now you can kiss me on the lips if you want”. Walter didn’t know what to do next; he looked at his feet, looked to one side, then the other as though he was looking for his lips, finally he plucked the courage and gave her a quick peck on the lips.
And with that, Walter and Riesling declared their undying love for one another and began to focus on the urgent matter in hand. Riesling wanted to talk about the iPatch robbery and Walter wanted to talk about getting married straight away. Finally, Riesling said to him: “listen pet, let’s just sort out a few things today then tomorrow I will start arranging the marriage matter while you go and do some digging at your office”. Walter wondered for a while why Riesling wanted him to dig the office but finally worked out that she meant research rather than making dirty great holes in the Patent Office floor!
Riesling: now, what did Gill Bates call the iPatch?
Walter (looking in his notebook): let me see, he called it the “iBall”
Riesling: rubbish name! Is it any different from your design?
Walter: only in the shape of the ear piece but everything else inside is exactly the same right down to the circuits and the SIM card.
Riesling: who knows about his application?
Walter: only my supervisor Adam Newsence, my Chocolate Biscuit
Riesling: and who knows about your application?
Walter: Another supervisor
Riesling: Has your application been allocated to an examiner?
Walter: no, no, no, not yet, my Delicate Poppy
Riesling: how come, pet? I thought you submitted it on Monday
Walter: because the other supervisor took my application on Monday and shortly after that had to rush to hospital because his wife went in to labour. He will be back tomorrow and will definitely allocate it to one of his team members
Riesling: did this supervisor realise it was your application?
Walter: I don’t think so. He didn’t say anything to me about it Dearest Thing
Riesling: well pet, whatever happens we must not let anyone know it is in your name. We must use another name
Walter: we can use your name; it is already on the application
Riesling: is it pet? Why did you put my name on it?
Walter: I don’t know really, for luck I suppose. Also, you helped me a lot in the last few weeks, my Sweet Pea
Riesling: oh pet, that’s nice. Anyway, we must change your name to something else; we can play the same game as Mr Gill Bates and use an anagram
Walter: we are not using that CRAP anagram you made up for me a while ago
Riesling (laughing): no pet, I have another name, you will be HEW PARCLATT
Walter: not a bad name that, I sound exotic my dear Bacon Butty!
Riesling: now, so far so good. Was there anything about the other application that needed more information?
Walter: yes, yes, yes at it happens. It was the same missing piece of detail from my application which I thought about but never got round to adding to my application
Riesling: what’s that pet?
Walter: What’s what dearest Flower?
Riesling: what was the missing piece of detail from your application and his?
Walter: oh right, right, right. It was to do with the copyright protection of songs and films. You see you can either download a music video to your iPatch or you can just play it in real time. You get charged a bigger amount for downloading it than playing it just the once but in both cases, you must not be able to copy it and pass it on to other people because that violates the artist’s copyrights. I need to add a piece of software that provides this protection otherwise, the device would be illegal in most countries.
Riesling: I think I can follow that! That’s our chance, see?
Walter: no, no, no I don’t see. Where is our chance my little Turkish Delight?
Riesling: honest to goodness Walter Patch! When you send him the question to deal with the copyright thingy, it will take time for him to reply and that will be the time to have our application assessed and passed before his!
Walter: but that would be cheating my Cuddly Puppy!
Riesling: Walter pet, are you out of your mind? This man has already cheated you out of your hard work for many years and you are entitled to get your own back on him, isn’t it?
Walter: are you sure about this dearest Pussycat?
Riesling: is St David’s Day on 1st of March?
Walter: is it? Right you are my Coffee Ice Cream
Riesling: now, how can we be sure of changing your application to have your new name on it and to include the copyright thingy before the supervisor sees it?
Walter: indeed, how?
Riesling: think Walter please!
Walter: right, let me think Apple of My Eye
Riesling: what are the working hours at your office?
Walter: the official hours are 9:00 to 5:00 but the office is open from 8:00 until about 7:00 in the evening because many people like to make an early start or to work late to catch up on their work
Riesling: do you know if the supervisor who has your application is an early starter, or does he come in at 9:00?
Walter: no, no, no I have no idea my Rose Petal
Riesling: we will have to take a risk and assume that with a new baby, he is not likely to be turning up on the stroke of 8:00 on Monday
Walter: yes, yes, yes, let’s assume that
Riesling: on the other hand, you must turn up for work tomorrow at the stroke of 8:00 isn’t it?
Walter: must I dear Cola Cube? Why?
Riesling: to firstly add the missing bit of information to your application and to change your name to HEW PARCLATT. You then must process Gill Bates or Geist Ball’s application and send him a letter asking for further information, isn’t it?
Walter: Brilliant! You are a clever thing dear Pear Drop
Riesling: now, write down your new name before you forget it
Walter: FEW CAR PARTS you said, didn’t you my little Crunchy Carrot?
Riesling (impatiently): NO! Walter please concentrate, it is HEW PARCLATT!!
They agreed that Walter needed to get home as soon as possible to finish working on the copyright element of the invention and get to bed early because he has to be at work at 8:00 the following morning to carry out the plan devised by Riesling. Riesling helped Walter with his duffle coat, kissed him goodbye and reminded him to wake up early and go straight to work. Walter protested that he didn’t need reminding as he has an excellent memory. They also agreed that Riesling, who had the day off on Monday would start working on the wedding plans and selling her own house.
As Riesling closed her front door behind Walter, they both shared an exhilarating thought: they are engaged to be married! They both smiled to themselves and got on with the rest of Sunday separately.
To read the next chapter, please click here: Chapter 13
