In my own mind, I sang beautifully, in just about every style for every genre. In reality however, this was as far from the truth as it is possible to be, without falling off the edge of the world. I know this because of the universal feedback I got every time I made an attempt at singing, I got pleas to stop from every person in the room, including howling dogs and hysterical cats.
I finally had to admit that I was not brought on this earth to sing when some helpful person recorded me and played back the evidence. I sounded, how shall I put it? I sounded awful.
Once, friends came to dinner and brought with them a Karaoke machine given to the husband as a Christmas present. After dinner, the machine was plugged-in and the choice of songs was displayed to us. Everyone had a go and they were mildly amusing and variably competent. When it was my turn, without hesitation, I chose ‘Strangers in the Night’ by Frank Sinatra. The music started, I picked up the microphone and started crooning like a pro while reading the lyrics, which were helpfully provided in a booklet that came with the contraption. One by one, the ‘audience’ began to giggle, and giggles turned to laughter, then cartoon-like howls of laughter. Frankly, I was offended! Anyway, I reached the end of the lyrics and began doing the final ‘dooby dooby doo, da da da deeda’ which was the icing on the cake of that song. I came to a stop and the music coming from the machine continued for another 30 seconds or so. I was out of tune by more than 30 seconds!! How was that possible? The entire song is less than 3 minutes…. Everyone in the room assured me I was as bad as all that.
After all these years, I have come to terms with the fact that I suck at singing. What I find difficult to get used to is my spoken voice. Whenever I hear a recording of my voice, I am shocked and appalled and wonder how I was ever allowed to finish a single sentence in my entire life.
A vow of permanent silence is perhaps called for.
