Next Monday 14 October, my wife Claire reaches a major milestone in her life.  This blog is unashamedly a celebration of her life so far and a look forward to her, I hope, long future ahead.

As we reach our various milestones, we cannot help but look back and wonder: have I accomplished anything worthy? Did I fulfil my potential? Do I have time to do something about it? And many other similar questions.  In my personal case, I always answered these three questions with “No”, “No” and “Yes”, respectively.  But I digress; this blog is not about me so, let’s get back to Claire.

Claire did not build the longest bridge, erect the highest building, scale Everest, found cure for cancer, or bring about world peace.  Deep down, I reckon she had the potential to fulfil at least one of those lofty accomplishments, except for the fact that she was busy with, from her perspective, more important matters albeit less headline grabbing achievements.

So, what is so special about Claire that marks her from millions of other women who are loved as wives, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, and friends?  The honest objective truth is that I don’t know if she stands out as the best wife, mother, etc. I really do not care to conduct a world-wide study to establish the facts beyond doubt.  However, I would like to tell you about Claire and why she is a truly exceptional person to the many people she left a positive impact on over the years.

I have known Claire for over 40 years, and I treasure each and every day of those years.  Like most partners, we had our ups and downs; we drifted apart; we regrouped; we argued over big and small issues; we made up soon after; we disagreed on certain issues of taste or inclination but, we accepted and respected our differences.  A familiar pattern to many couples all over the world, I agree.  The thing that tied us together was good old-fashioned ‘Love’; we never stopped loving each other.

However, I must point out my ‘mea culpa’ here and confess that I am not an easy person to deal or live with.  In the early days I was aggressive, confrontational and self-centred.  In my middle years, I over-indulged myself trying out new career paths, when I had family responsibilities and Claire was pre-occupied with raising three children all under the age of seven.  Some of my career choices were foolhardy and futile; others worked out for a while, which just about kept our heads above water.  In my older years, I promised to slow down, travel less, and spend more time with her.  I did it in my usual difficult and unhelpful manner imaginable; I was diagnosed with an aggressive liver cancer, which guaranteed Claire and I would spend each and every day of the last 15 months together mostly in a hospital room somewhere or her staying up all night nursing my latest turn for the worse, or generally helping me get back on my feet again, both literally and metaphorically.  It is no exaggeration to say, I came close to death on a number of occasions, even as recently as early July of this year.  I also came so close to giving up the fight, I would have gladly rolled over and died except for the sheer will power, not so much my will power but Claire’s.

You would think, from the above paragraph, that I was a full-time responsibility for any loving, caring, ordinary human being; not Claire.  Over the 40 years I have known her, she put her career on hold for more than ten years while the children needed and demanded her full love and attention.  She then tentatively returned to work on part time basis, she took on basic jobs, she conceived and started up a successful business venture, which she had to give up because it needed more of her time than she was prepared to give.  She then clawed her way up a career ladder as an estate agent and attained a ‘Manager/Negotiator’ level.  Three months ago, she gave this job up as she felt there is another business venture, she would like to have a go at.  I am sure she will do it and be successful at it.

When the children were growing up, she somehow managed to be there for them all the time and made sure they had a happy, safe, all-rounded upbringing and remained close to them until each one had left home to go to university.  Although with every departure, it tore a piece of her heart, she bravely let go of them to fly solo and only stepped in when they asked her for help.  No wonder all three of them would gladly come to see her any and every day.  I am sure Leila, Rosy and Faye would agree with me that no matter how happy or sad they are, they always leave her feeling better, much better.

Outside our nuclear family, her impact is no less significant. Both of us come from large families so, we are not short of siblings, nephews, nieces and cousins galore.  So many of them considers her their confidant who is there mainly to listen but often to proffer practical advice.  No less important, sometimes all they need is a hug and a shoulder to cry on, which she always offers before being asked.  I have always been impressed by how quickly she worked out that someone could do with a hug, a listener, or practical advice; a personality trait I never managed to master like the way she does.

As for her many, many friends and acquaintances, ranging in age from twenties to their sixties, she somehow still has the energy and natural inclination to listen, give advice or hug, as the situation demands.

I mentioned earlier that Claire gave up her estate agency job because she wanted to do something different and more challenging.  I cannot say much about it yet however, it has a high degree of offering love and care to strangers!  Not having the same type of personality, I should throw my hands up in the air and say: I give up.  But I have known Claire for so long, it is no use objecting, complaining or discouraging.  I know she can do it and do it very well.

Since no one is perfect, you might say: ‘She can’t be that complete, what’s wrong with her?’  Well, all of the above!  You would only consider the above as a fault if you cared more about building the longest bridge, erecting the highest building, scaling Everest, finding cure for cancer, or bringing about world peace.

What marks Claire from many others is her humanity which she utilises for the benefit of others, very often at her own expense of peace of mind and comfort.  It took me to have cancer to realise what a truly exceptional individual I was so lucky to be married to.  The medical professionals in Cyprus and England have cut me up, took partial and complete organs out, medicated and patched me up; they kept me alive.  Claire however, saved my sanity, soul, dignity and life.

Claire: For all of the above and much more such as your wicked sense of humour, your stubbornness and many other weird and wonderful traits, I loved you for more than 40 years and I always will.  Happy birthday darling.

Mufid X