Mansplain: when a man explains something, typically to a disinterested woman, in a manner regarded as condescending or patronizing. For example, explaining the off-side rule in football, Sudoku tactics, or the workings of the internal combustion engine.

This word is part of a growing number of relatively new words, used by women, to point out the remnant alpha-male habits used by men over the centuries to assert their superiority over women. We also have manspreading (sitting with open legs and elbows out to claim maximum personal space, especially in public places); bromance (reciprocated non-sexual love between two men); moobs (man’s breasts, especially when he is overweight and out of shape); and finally, the grandad of them all is the widely used man-flu, claiming that men describe a bout of the common cold as flu to extract more sympathy and attention than the illness deserves.

I can’t be certain but, the chances are all the above-mentioned words were made up by women to make sense of men’s strange behaviour or help them bring an argument / discussion to a swift and triumphant outcome.

I have tried to think of equivalent labels that apply exclusively to women.  I came up with just one example of a phrase rather than a single word.  The phrase is sufficiently complimentary to suspect it was probably invented by women too.  The phrase is “feminine intuition”, which is often used by a woman to slam-dunk win an argument against a man, without having to support her argument with empirical evidence.

We men have no such thing as “masculine intuition” so, we resort to making our point with logic, shouting louder, supporting facts, even made-up facts, or turning the whole situation into a joke (we play dirty too).  I am ashamed to admit it but, there was a time when we also resorted to extremely insulting / humiliating references to women’s sexuality, looks, or moral adequacy, in an effort to disqualify or belittle them.  I am glad this aspect is fast disappearing in most, but not all, social discourses.

Anyway, just as a whimsical thought, I have come up with a few new made-up words men can employ to improve our poor performance in debate situations; just like women do.  Here are some:

  • Femanalyse: the unique, and seemingly weird to men, way of analysing men’s behaviour based on a logic known only to other women.
  • Femjudge: judging other people based on their outward appearance like: he has a monobrow; his eyes are shifty; he creeps me out; he has sweaty hands.
  • Fempain: dismissing a man’s attempt at participating in a discourse because he has never had to endure pregnancy, baby delivery and other uniquely biological female pain. The only type of unique pain men can bring to the table, so to speak, is being ‘kicked in the balls’ but, that’s usually treated with amusement rather than sympathy.
  • Matronising: when a man demonstrates inadequacy in terms of performing or fulfilling his ‘manly duties’ such as making money, failing to open a new jam jar, knowing how to fix a mechanical machinery, etc., and the woman shows understanding and sympathy, only to recall the embarrassing situation at a later date when it suits her.
  • Femshaming: this is a tool used by women to shame men for not listening, forgetting important dates, failure to correctly answer simple questions like: ‘notice anything different?’, ‘how do I look in this?’, or inability to multi-task like they do.
  • Femshopping: shopping is the act of acquiring necessary or desirable goods. Men and women do that all the time, especially essential things like food and children clothing.  However, women have a unique and different type of shopping men simply do not understand, which is browsing in shops with little or no intention of acquiring the goods inspected.
  • Femhelping: when someone (man or woman) seeks an acquaintance’s attention to explain a problem they have, men embark on suggesting solutions, even before we hear all the facts. What we fail to appreciate is that the attention sought is only to listen and shut up about solutions.  Women have a knack of knowing when to listen and lend a shoulder to cry on and when to suggest practical solutions.  Men don’t get this at all.
  • Fempasting: Women accuse men of living in a man’s world, where rules were defined in the past by men for the advantage of men and disadvantage of women, thus creating an unfair culture. Wait a minute; women actually have a valid point!

Having come up with these new words, I might take a risk and engage in a few arguments with some of the women I know.  I feel confident but, wish me luck anyway.

I will let you know how I get on in a future blog.